They were happily married for 10 years. They did not have very high ambitions. Both were managing well and lived in a two-bedroom flat. They had a son and they both loved each other. It was a smooth life. Sana managed to wake up early and managed the cooking along with the support of maids. She prepared tea and woke up Indrajeet. He would quickly go to the office after that. Everything was smooth and no one complained. But something hit everyone throughout the world, which changed everyone’s equation. Covid-19! We all went through a lockdown. We all lost loved ones. We all had to fight a battle, which we had never thought of. Mentally, physically and emotionally we all were drained out. Everyone stayed at home with everyone under the roof for the entire day and no support staff. It changed many equations.
Indian males are used to a lot of pampering and not giving enough hands to their wives in maintaining the home. Generally, it’s a wife’s territory. Indrajeet also never supported Sana though she was working too. She also never complained as she felt that she could manage with the maid’s support. However, when the lockdown happened, she expected him to support her. She expected him to pick up his load. But he did not. They started fighting over every small thing. They started sleeping in separate rooms. Their son started slipping into depression. They started blaming each other for that. Both of them could not focus at work and they started receiving warnings from their bosses. After 1.5 years of lockdown and covid, they said that they were under the illusion for 10 years and they wanted a divorce. They hired an external support marital consultant and they were able to manage the phase and restart their relationships. They both had to let go of the negativity, forgive each other, be there for each other and develop that faith. Bring back those lost 10 years. And also support each other.
- Good times and bad times, both train us and test us and prepare us for a better future. We need to handle them together not by standing against each other.
- Managing the home is a joint responsibility. Whether we have servants or not. If both are going out to work, then the home has to be managed together. If one person is staying at home then one can manage the office and the first one home. It is about the division of responsibility.
- Physical intimacy is an essential part of any husband and wife’s relationship. Separating the rooms is never a good option. A lot of couples do that, thinking it’s for a few days but those few days sometimes become a permanent arrangement. If you want to have a relationship which is alive, then add life to it. Do not take away its life.
- We all love our children. When something happens to them, we all lose our logical minds. We need to handle the challenges in their lives together with patience rather than by blaming each other.
- We cannot let one problem outweigh the entire journey which has been travelled together with love. They were ready to let go of the relationship and a decade of love. We shall always look at everything before taking such decisions.
- We all need to learn to forgive and we all need to learn to forgive without holding grudges in a relationship. Then only we can truly move on.
- Hiring external support or a counsellor is a good idea and shall not be taboo. Sometimes families have their own stake and they may not give unbiased advice. An external counsellor brings a neutral perspective.
- Maintain love, patience, faith, intimacy and everything else which is required to maintain the relationship. When the time is tough, we need to increase everything not fight it!