Do not build an opinion about your partner on the basis of your experience with someone else.

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Akshat dealt with a lot since his childhood. He grew up in an affluent family. It seemed like with the flow of money came all vices. His father was an alcoholic and had an affair and his mother always spent a life of misery. She lived a life of depression always. He always saw a lot of fights between them. His brother vowed never to get married and shifted into a live-in relationship. However, he inherited his father’s traits and started dating someone else along. His live-in partner found out and left him. He saw everything and lost trust in relationships. His aunt got a proposal for him and he wondered why someone would like to marry him. Then his friend said casually, it’s because of the money. It got into him. He asked the girl to sign a pre-nuptial agreement. Everyone wondered. He simply said that he could not let anyone take his money away just because someone was getting married to him. He did not value relationships. The girl was heartbroken but married under her parental pressure.

Akshat never trusted her. Even if she asked for the money for regular domestic expenses, he would taunt her that she married for money, that’s why she was asking. She tried adjusting a lot and finally, she asked for a divorce. As per the pre-nuptial, she could not ask for any money and she did not. She just wanted to have her self-respect back. She felt that by getting married, she had given away her self-respect. Her family lived with limited means but she never saw any kind of upsetting environment. She told her parents and they apologized to her as they had forced her. Akshat and Vedika got divorced and Vedika started her life fresh. Akshat slipped into depression as he felt the void. His business suffered too. For eight years he could not choose any partner. When he chose this time, he suppressed himself so much that the girl started hitting him. He had to go through another divorce.

Relationship Learning

  1. Parents shall not force their children. Especially, if they see anything unusual. It’s a myth that everything gets fine after marriage. Gone are those days.
  2. Never compromise your self-respect. It cannot be done for long anyway.
  3. There is no relationship or marriage without trust. Akshat did not trust anyone and because of that, he lost a nice girl.
  4. Maintain mutual respect in the relationship. Without that, no relationship can survive.
  5. Make your partner feel valued. She did not feel valued. In fact, she felt demeaned all the time.
  6. Do not burden your partner with your past experiences’ baggage. He had distrust issues because of his parental relationship. He did not trust Vedika because of that. Look at your partner as an individual and how the person really is rather than looking at your partner as already a convicted criminal.
  7. If you have emotional baggage, solve it. Do not carry it. It will break everyone’s back.
  8. Stop taking advice from friends who just pass on casual comments. They have their own judgment of people. Often most ego issues are triggered by such advisers. Eg: Then you also must take revenge, leave her, let her suffer, she would know it truly now, etc.
  9. Do not build an opinion about your partner without knowing and understanding him/her on the basis of your experience with someone else. Make an effort to understand the partner. It will not happen on its own. We all need to make that effort and then gradually we will develop that trust.
  10. If you have some doubts or questions, ask yourself what is the source. Is it your partner’s doing or your own thought process? Often, it’s just someone else thought process or own mind’s creation rather than the other person actually doing something.

Build it on trust!

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