He called up as he was very stressed. He said that I want to remove stress from my life. He was stressed because of the job pressure. He was stressed because of his wife. He was stressed because he would feel suffocated at home and cannot work as his kids would amke noise.
I asked, him, if they are giving you stress, you will always be stressed. can you remove any of these factors. If you try to remove, they may create a bigger stress. For example, the job, if you do not have a job, it may create a financial stress and that would evade you of your peace further. If you remove your wife or children, you will get more stressed too.
Then what shall be done?
See the problem is, we are focussing on removing stress rather that attaining peace. We cannot remove stress or things which are giving us stress. First thing the reason is inside us. The second thing is, we need to start doing things which are giving us peace. We need to start creating peace and once the inner peace is attained, we will feel the surrounding peace too.
We need to start thinking, what would give me peace?
He answered. If my wife is happy, that would give me peace. What would make her happy. He smiled in shock. I realize that she would feel happy, if I spend some time with her. I reach into a zone, where I sit at home, thinking I will do work, I do not take her out with me or talk to her. Then she is irritated, I also feel guilty and then neither work happens not the time with her. If I can spend two hours with her, I will also feel better and she will also feel better. I never thought like that. This guilt was irritating me further.
Now, look at the job stress. Well, I know, I have been stressing myself too much about what others are thinking and doing like office politics. For some time, I simply need to trust my work and focus on that. And kids, they will be fine.
It was like a holy grail. He found it and he was smiling. He started working on it and after two months, he shared that he did not need any anxiety medicines.
Do things which will make you peaceful. For someone, it could be a walk in the fresh air, a swim, a play time with kids, coffee with friends, a holiday and may be anything. Do not remove stress, bring in peace.