Never let your relationship suffer with the emotional distance. It kills the relationship slowly.

sheetal Uncategorized

They were married for 22 years. Had two sons. One was 18 years old and one was 14 years old. Mukesh was a salesman and for his job, he had to travel all over India for at least 27 days a month. Lovely tried talking to him about her loneliness and how much she misses him. He always got irked whenever she shared her feelings. She stopped sharing. She wanted someone to hold her hand and tell her, “You are doing so much. You are beautiful”. On top of that Mukesh always said where does it matter. We all have to make a compromise. Even I am staying away from home, eating roadside food for the entire month. But to run the family, we have to go through harsh realities.

She started talking to buddies on Facebook and got into an affair. Mukesh found out (The partner always gets to know, sooner or later). She called it off. They started having huge fights, which added to her depression. After two years she again got into an affair and this time she was not ready to back off. She left with her children and started living with her parents. Mukesh pleaded with her to come back and she refused. He told her that, he had forgiven her despite her affair and he was ready to forgive then also. But she refused. They had a dirty fight on road, where they both accused each other. She shared her side of the story. She shared that he never took care of her even when he came back home. He never made an effort in the relationship. He rarely called while being on the trip. She always made an effort to call and talk and when she called, they never talked like a couple. It was more about, how was the day and if everything was ok at home. He never said if he was missing her. When he came back, he never bothered about her as a wife and he was always on a routine. He was always busy making plans for the next trip. He argued saying, he had to make a living for his family. He wondered why was all this needed after 22 years of marriage?

Relationship Learning

  1. When we look at it first, it appears that it is Lovely’s fault. That she did not have the character and she got into an affair after 22 years of marriage and 2 children. She was spoiling her children’s life too. But it is not. 27 days she is living without a partner, taking care of everything without any word of love or compassion from her husband.
  2. He is working hard to make a living for his family but he needed to prioritize and relationships too shall be his priority. We all need to make an effort for the relationship.
  3. When he was physically away, he did not have to be emotionally away. Emotional distance creates a bigger dent in the hearts than physical distance. He took her for granted. When she called, he did not bother about her and he never made an effort to call and stay in touch. When we are in a traveling job, we should make sure, emotionally we are connected furthermore to keep everything together.
  4. When she shared how lonely she felt, he ignored the cue. So always pay attention to what your partner is sharing or wants to share.
  5. Whatever little time you have, make it quality time. He ignored his wife, even when he was back. He spent that little time planning his next trip.
  6. We need to nurture our relationship like we need to water the plants every day. We need to add their manure regularly. Similarly, we need to add to our relationship regularly.
  7. We all have to adjust and compromise but we cannot compare our emotions. He simply said that even he was staying away from home and making a compromise. If his wife had to do that, where did it matter? Well, it mattered! Everyone’s emotional needs are different. She needed that little pampering in the relationship. It was her emotional need. It did not get fulfilled at home, she looked outside to meet her needs. In fact, it is everyone’s need.
  8. We need to express to our partner how much we need him/her and that the other person is valued. We all need assurances.
  9. Having an affair is never a solution. Things should be discussed and sorted out. If they are beyond discussion, get separated and take a divorce, rather than making it difficult for everyone.
  10. Never make it dirty. Hurling bad words and accusations to hide own faults is never a good idea. Maintain respect and dignity.
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