At the age of 25, he was so full of anger. He was not forgiving anyone around. His parents were scared of him and everyone else around were scared of him. he would scream at people, he would shout at people, he would break things and they wondered why. For him, it was not acceptable to do mistakes. Everyone wondered why he was like that.
When I spoke to him, he said that it was just not acceptable. He shared that he grew up in a boarding school. And he was being punished for every small thing which he did not do by rules. If he forgot to fold his blanket, he was being punished. If he did not get ready on time he was being punished. If he was sick and did not come out of wash room on time, he did not get food to eat in hostel mess. For him, he was always on toes. He ingrained that this is the actual way of living. No mistakes allowed. What were mistakes? Any deviation from the rule book. When he grew up and came out of hostel, he wrote own rule book. And no one was allowed to make any deviation, including his own parents.
He was very critical of himself and he was critical of others. To let others relax around him, he had to accept the fact that it is ok to do mistakes and he had to learn to accept his own mistakes.
He was an extreme case. But we are very critical of own mistakes. We harbour them forever. We are unable to forgive self. We are very hard on self. Sometimes it yurns into guilt and sometimes anger or depression. Butw e need to know few facts.
We all do mistakes. Sometimes intentionally also.
Sometimes we do not realize the gravity of everything around us.
We all want to break free from the system at some point of time.
We all learn from mistakes and grow.
We all have our limitations.
Our imperfection is our perfection.
We all are allowed to do mistakes.
When we do mistake, we need more love. Like a mother loves her child more. She may punish but she won’t keep punishing for same mistake. So we cannot keep punishing self for same mistake. We need to love after that.
Be with yourself like you would be with your loved ones. You also deserve own love.