She did not know what to do. In just one year of married life they were fighting like cat and dog. Every day she would wake up scared, what would happen today. They had married after seven years of relationship and it had taken her three years to convince her parents for this alliance. She wondered if all this was just an illusion of love. She wondered if she had to fight with her parents for this life! She was crying all day and she told her mother that she would like to get divorced. Thought her mother was not in favor of her partner initially but she did not want her daughter to get divorced either. her mother asked her about the sequence of fights and she explained that when they start fighting, they both start reminding each other of past mistakes and everything bad in each other and their families. No one is ready to pause and the fights keep going on and on. The frustration has increased so much that the spurt might happen even on a glass of water. Her mother was a wise lady. She took her to kitchen ans she started burning pieces of news papers. She asked her daughter to douse the fire and the daughter started getting water to do that. She stopped her and asked her to get another piece of burning paper. The daughter told her mother that how could she douse fire with fire! She needs water to do that. The mother smiled and took her back to the room. She told her daughter that anger is like fire. When one person is angry, and he is shouting at you, he is burning himself and his flames are burning you too. When you get angry in return, it is like you are trying to put off that fire with another fire. But the result would be more fire and that is why you both are burning so much despite of sharing a loving relationship. So when one person is angry or is in fire, you need to bring out love to douse that or else this fire would burn your relationship which is already happening. If their is a fire on both the sides, it would burn down the entire house. But if there is water on another side, it would save the house from burning. The daughter understood the point, left for her home with the determination to save her relationship. She knew she needed lots of patience with herself to stay loving during the fights. She followed few things:
All day, she would bless herself or her home or husband instead of feeling angry on different things. Which protected her from creating negative energy all day.
She would think of only positive things with effort initially for her husband and her new life.
She started maintaining her gratitude diary for her husband and her life
She started loving herself more, would speak positive words about herself and her husband all day
It took her almost a month to not feel angry on her husband and on the things which used to irritate her. But once she stopped feeling angry, she stopped reacting too. She also started making an effort to understand her husband. All this brought results and her husband also stopped feeling angry. Now they wanted to spend more time with each other rather than running away from each other.
We all have to remember this. Hatred and anger cannot be fought with further anger in life and relationships. We need to face them with love to create a better life and beautiful relationships.
