At the age of 25, he was on the verge of divorce. He was always fighting with his parents and his wife had already left him just after few months of marriage. She was seeking divorce. I wondered and asked, have you guys tried enough? He asked, what do you mean by that?
So the question was, what do you want in this relationship, what is your expectation? He wondered and said I do not know. We just fight! We fight over, what I did not do or she did not do. We fight over how I did not compliment over her dress. We fight over, why she was not cooking. We fight over not spending enough time. We fight over everything and then what you do not fight over or talk about? There was no answer. So I gave him an empty bowl, and asked him to give one candy from it. He found it weird. He said, you have given an empty bowl yourself and you want to have a candy from it. So I gave him few candies which he put into the bowl, one by one. Then I asked him to take out one and give it to me. He gave one and one more. When they were finished, I asked him if he could take out more without adding and the answer was no!
So our relationships are like these candy bowls. If you add and keep adding, you can take out more and more. If you do not, you cannot. Second thing, mind it, whatever you have added you can take out only that. So now the big question came, what did you add in your bowl? For parents and for your wife? He thought and he realized nothing. He accepted he wanted lots of candies but had not added any. That is why the bowl always appeared empty to him. He started working on his relationship with everyone and it blossomed beautifully. He was able to work out his relationship with his wife too. He had to add lots of love and patience!
Learn to add before taking out. Add what you want to take out!
