While talking she said that I am such a fool. I do not know how to do the right things. I am always an idiot. I wondered if I said these things to her, how would she have felt?
She always felt that no one liked her. I asked her, do you like yourself and the answer was blank. Then I asked her, do you love yourself. She did not know. So I changed the question. If I say to you that you are a fool, you are an idiot, how would you feel. She said that I would feel very very bad. It means you are always feeling bad but because you are saying same things to yourself, you do not realize and this feeling bad would reflect in other things. Let’s say there is a servant at home and you always tell him on everything that you are a fool, you do not know how to do things right and few things like that. How would he feel and if this criticism is continued, how would he feel? He would feel scared all the time that if he was doing right or else he would have to listen to such nasty comments. Gradually he would lose confidence that he could do things the right way. So you are losing confidence.
So what shall I do? If you really want to motivate and that servant to be happy, you have to say kind words, and appreciate. Do that. Before anyone else can see your qualities, you need to see your qualities. Before even removing the criticism, you need to unconditionally love yourself. You need to love who you are. You need to accept who you are. You need to stop comparing yourself with others. You need to simply tell yourself I love myself as I am.
In a few days, she could feel the difference. She was calm and peaceful. She was happier. She stopped criticizing herself and others. When she became loving for herself, she became loving for others too. Others also started responding to her back with the same love. Not to mention, her confidence came back.
LOve yourself first then only anyone else can love you.
