Often we would hear from the people who get very angry instantly that I am a calm and composed person. However, others make me angry. I would never get angry if others would not act in a certain way. Now, here are the things:
1. When you squeeze lemon, you get lemon juice. When you squeeze orange you get orange juice. So we need to accept that if anger is coming from us, then we have anger inside us. We cannot keep blaming others. If we would be in denial mode, we would never be able to work upon things inside us.
2. If it is coming because of others, and we claim that I am a calm and composed person then in that moment also we have to remember that. May be we have to repeat that in our mind that Yes, I am calm and composed. But we shift our focus from what I am to what the other person is saying. As soon as our mind starts working on what the other person is saying, we start losing our mind power and we start becoming slave to what others are saying.
3. We have no control over what others are saying or thinking. That comes from their own experience which has been gathered over years from different sources and their own perception of those experiences. For a person who is from a village a girl is very outrageous if she does not cover her head but from a city person if she would cover her head, she would be old fashioned. So people label us as per their own belief systems.
4. Instead of letting our mind work on others belief system ( If we start reacting to what others are saying, it means we have started believing that and we are unable to accept that, that is why we get angry), we need to stay in own mind and belief system to stay composed. We need not to question how we think or belief.
5. A housewife used to get angry, because often her husband would say to her that you are so focused on yourself, you do not care about me or children. As soon as she would hear this, she would lose her temper, because as per her she was doing a lot. Now let’s see what was happening in her mind:
a. I am doing all I can
b. If he is saying, am I not doing enough
c. If I am not doing enough it is interfering with my belief system and self image that I am doing a lot, so I lose my temper
6. We need to stay in the awareness that what others are saying, we cannot control that. But I know I am doing a lot. If I am doing good, then I do not need others approval. If I am doing bad, I need to fix it. Instead of questioning the mind directly, we need to work upon it.
7. Whenever there is such situation, the focus has to be on self rather than what the other person is saying.
8. If not in that situation always evaluate, how would you like to act in such situations, this way you would train your mind and gradually in such situations, you would start acting better rather than reacting.
9. Focus on staying peaceful and loving rather than not getting angry.
Be love, spread love!
