A gentleman, who thought was living a very self less life was feeling very frustrated. he was doing everything to keep everyone happy around. He was keep his parents, children, wife and colleagues above everything else he would want so that everyone could be happy. But all he heard was bad words about himself. He was frustrated and so many times he felt like committing suicide. His focus was to keep everyone happy but no one was. Because no one was happy with him, he kept criticizing himself more and more. More he criticized, more he heard criticism about himself. He liked a girl but married as per his parents. Then his wife did not connect well with his parents, so he shifted out. But still she would fight with him and would control him even for small things like if he would not listen to her, she would not give him food or would not let him go out too. His parents anyway were cursing as he had shifted out. Then his children also started criticizing him for being a meek father. In office also he felt that people were taking advantage of him, they did not value him. He wondered what else he could do to keep everyone happy.
So when he approached me, I asked him first thing, why is he doing all this? To keep everyone happy. What would you get by keeping everyone happy? He wondered and thought that I would get happiness. But are you getting happiness? He started crying and saying no one values me, no one values my efforts. So actually you are doing all the sacrifices thinking that everyone would value you. But when you realize that no one values you, even after sacrificing all your happiness then it becomes frustrating.
It was a kind of shocker for him. So first of all we need to know here that whatever you are doing is to gain value rather than everyone’s happiness. Once we have a clarity, we would know there can be a different route to that. If they are happy or not, it is secondary because we do not control anyone’s happiness. They decide their own. Like your parents wanted you to get married as per their choice then your wife to act as per them and if she would have also listened to them I am sure they would have set next step. So somewhere, it had to be interfered.
So now, the next question is do you value yourself? Or do you criticize yourself? And the answer was he was constantly putting himself down. So your mind will attract like events and others also would constantly put you down. So first you need to value who you are, what you do and then you would see the change. Also you need to tell yourself that you value yourself and everyone values you instead of saying everyone just hates me, no one values what I do for them etc.
He changed, the way he looked at change and then the way people treated him also changed. So before others, we need to change our behavior for self.
