She was studying with me in school and we happened to meet on facebook after years. After initial conversations, she started talking about what all bad has happened to everyone from our class during these years. After few days, I told her, may be she could talk more about herself and then she shared that how much she is suffering. I felt bad for her. She had an abusive husband and verbally abusive inlaws. But now she was divorced and she was married to a nice gentleman. i asked her if he was keeping her happy and she said that he cares for me but she does not feel like even looking at him because all the time she is crying inside for her past hurt. Because she is talking about her past relationship all the time, this is creating problems in her current marriage too. Now, she does not want to talk about that when he is around but he has seen her crying silently many times and now after five years of second marriage even he does not want to talk to her. He is fed up of all this. I asked her, why don’t you leave your first marriage and husband and she said I have left it long back. No, you just left it physically but mentally and emotionally you are still married to same person. All the time you keep thinking about same person, you keep talking about same person and despite of the fact that your current husband is very supportive, he is unable to take it any longer. It is like you cannot keep laughing at same joke again and again, he cannot keep crying over your pain again and again. So he has stopped expressing any kind of interest. If you want to be happy, you need to stop thinking about whats hurting you and create space for whats making you happy. Your husband is a nice person and he likes seeing you happy. All the time when he sees you crying may be he looks at it as if he has failed in keeping you happy. Despite of doing everything all he sees is you crying. She was shocked and started crying. She asked what needs to be done?
Here is what we all can do.
Our mind gets used to of thinking certain way. Her mind was thinking about pain all the time. So we need to take charge of our mind and force it to think reverse initially. So she started making journal of whats making her happy. All day she would look at that and she would keep writing small notes about that. She realized she had ignored so many things. She had forgotten to be happy.
She started counting all day, what all she had instead of what all she lacked. She felt earlier she had an abusive husband, now she started expressing gratitude for having a nice husband.
She thoughtfully stopped talking about what all had been bad in her life and started talking about what all is good now. She realized she used to talk about pain all the time. She was creating more pain herself and she was giving pain to listeners too. But when she started talking about happy things, she realized people around her were smiling more.
She started making efforts to be happy and have a good relationship like sharing beautiful moments with her husband, cooking his favorite food and seeing him smile, arranging his favorite things like movie etc. All this while she never realized her husband also needed her.
She found her happiness when she release her pain and this is true for everyone. So start focusing on what is good rather that what was bad. Life would give us both experiences but it depends on us what we choose to carry forward and I choose to carry happiness along!
