She had been divorced for 17 years. She lived alone and was angry at everyone, who looked happy around her. She had so many fights with her family, that she decided to live alone. When her ex-husband married again, she felt further mad. Initially, friends tried helping her, spending time with her, cheering her up, but she was so angry at them all the time that they gave up. Her domestic help was scared that she might lose at them anytime. She wondered what could she do to make her life better? She had reached a stage where she definitely needed to talk to someone.
So I asked her, has shouting at others, pushing away others helped you? Her answer was no. How do you feel when you are angry? IS it that you are angry at yourself or at others? So she realized she was angry at herself for years and whenever someone came in touch with her, she gave what she had. She gave further anger. And whenever she took out that anger on others, she felt guilty and then she took that out on others further.
So she entered into a process, where:
- She stopped blaming her for her divorce. Maybe she could have done better but it’s over and it cannot be undone. So let it go.
- She forgave herself.
- She started practicing self-kindness.
- She stopped using bad words for herself.
- She had to talk to everyone politely even if she was angry.
- She had to help at least one person every day. So whenever she helped, she felt better about herself. She did not feel she was all bad.
- She started using good words for herself.
- She started using word love many times a day and telling herself I love myself.
- She started telling herself, that I am a good person.
- She reconnected with old friends, thanked them for being there and started spending time with them.
In a few days, she could actually feel much happier and better. She could feel the healing happening inside her.
Her love and kindness healed her, otherwise, with anger, her pain was further increasing.
