One girl called up and said that I am very unhappy. No one cares for me. No one loves me. I have to take care of everyone. I feel so unwanted in my house. Everyone is busy with themselves. On my birthday, they did not do anything special. I asked her, if she was married and she said yes. Do you have children and the answer is No. When did you get married. One month back. So what makes you happy? She said that at my parents place, they made so much effort to make me happy everyday. My mom would make my favorite food. My father would crack jokes. He would try to bring gifts almost everyday even if it is as small as a flower. But here, no one cares for me. I feel like running back. I spoke to her husband and he said that there are no restrictions on her. She wakes up on her own time, She has no responsibility but everyday she is expecting that someone should do something to make her smile, is not possible here. Everyone has a busy life and things to take cares of. I can do things to make her smile as she is my wife but I cannot do it everyday. Second thing it is just one month of marriage and I do not even know her. It would take me certain time to understand her and to know that what actually makes happy. So many times I try and she just screams back saying it was stupid. Moreover, if my efforts would not be respected then how long would I continue?
Not a very typical situation. She grew up thinking that her happiness was dependent on the efforts made by others. She did not see their love, she did not see where her true happiness lied. Instead of depending on others special effort to be happy, if she would have dependent on what she is doing for herself, she would have been less miserable. In another case, a gentleman who was looking very sad was sitting in a park. I asked him, why are you sad. He said that earlier I used to think that when I would have a car, I would be happy. Then I thought a home and then bigger home and bigger car. Now, when I have both, I do not have my wife with me. I am still very sad. After my wife left me for someone else, I started liking someone else but that was temporary. Now, I go to work, come back and I have realized I was chasing something thinking it would give me happiness but I realize it now, I actually did not know what would actually make me happy. I am sad that I wasted so many years!
Whatever we do, we do to be happy and still we are chasing it because our happiness depends on external things which are further dependent on many factors like availability, frame of reference etc.. We create a perfect situation in mind to be happy and even when one piece is missing from that perfect picture, we are unhappy. That is why we keep chasing happiness. However, if our happiness would depend on self, who we are and how we feel, what we do, we would always be happy. We would not need special day to be happy. We would always be happiest. That girl when realized that her husband loves her and his love is expressed in a different way rather than doing special things for her was happy. The gentleman realized that he had to work on himself and when he understood himself more he was happy.
Happiness is our natural state of being and when we learn to be that, we would always be happy. When we would depend on external factors, we would always be unhappy. Choice is ours.
