Relationship issues pour in the cup of coffee like the cream and we drink them. When they are happening, we feel it’s like the cream of the coffee but what’s actually brewing, wedo not realize.
She wanted to get married and he wanted to get married too. But every time they decided, he would postpone. She wondered what was wrong. She slipped into depression. She would take it out on everyone. Her boss was giving her continuous warning. She wondered if it was her fault or his fault.
So when she started sharing, she kept talking about herself, her past relationship and when I asked about the boy she wanted to get married to, she again switched to how much pain she was in. Nowhere she expressed any concern about the boy. What he actually wanted, how much pain he was going through, what they could do together etc. I asked her, how the relationship started. She shared that she had a breakup and he supported her. And then? HE still helps her in being happy. What about him? What are his pain areas? Well, she paused and said, what would he feel? He is happy! If he is happy, why isn’t he excited about the relationship. Why is he postponing getting married? HE must have some pain, have you shared the pain? Ok, what about, have you guys started creating fresh happy memories? Do you guys feel happy when you are together?
Well, I feel good. Because you get to talk about your pain and give it away. But what about him. He is taking more pain above his pain and there is no creating happiness here. She wondered if this is all what is happening!
So whats the learning?
Have a relationship of equality!
IF you want to share your pain, allow other person also to share. If he/she is not sharing, ask and let them share.
Let go off your past. Ultimately it has to be your decision. Do not make pain your strength. Do not be a victim always. Start creating fresh memories. Start sharing happiness. Both partners have to feel excited about spending time with each other. that can happen only when there is happiness at the moment. If one is offloading and the other one is taking the weight, eventually, one side would become too heavy. So create happiness together.
Start making an effort to understand your partner and help your partner in understanding you. Start paying attention to small details.
May all of us have a loving, kind, sharing, understanding relationship!
