This could be a very controversial thing, may hurt many. But all the views written here are my personal, based on my experiences and from the people I meet and talk to.
I get so many counselling requests where the relationships are suffering as wrong expectations have been set from the beginning and our innocent mind is unable to figure out the reality. By the time, it starts understanding, so much negativity is there that people are unable to forgive each other and move on.
I get so many ladies who are in 65 (Kind of suffering mother in laws) or 40s (Suffered daughter in laws) who are unable to deal with the relationships in life internally. Outside things may look good but internally they are so negative.
Now here is the problem:
When a girl gets married she is told that go and treat your in laws like your own family and parents. (Noble thought)
The to be mother in law is told that treat her like your own daughter.
Similarly other relationships like sister in law or brother in law.
But the fact is, why are we given false expectation for something which is not possible from both the sides?
At her own place a daughter is responsible but she hardly has any responsibility. Everything is served to her, She can wake up around 9 am or 11 am as per her choice. Is it possible after getting married if she is living with partner’s parents?
She can say things or throw tantrums or can shout at her mother can she shout at anyone after getting married?
She is included in every conversation and not treated as an outsider. Does this happen after getting married?
Similar story is running for the other side too.
The mother can say anything bad to her daughter, she can slap also, she can abuse also. Can she say anything bad to her daughter in law?
The mother can give something less to her daughter saying rest needs to be kept for guests or father or brother but can she do this for daughter in law?
I guess the answer is no in every conversation here.
So why to set wrong expectations? Better guide them rightly saying they are your husband’s parents and they deserve that respect, maintain that.
Similarly, tell a to be mother in law that how she can deal this new generation daughter in law with love, kindness and patience rather than expecting a lot.
relationships are very beautiful and need to be handle with love not expectations. We need to nurture them. But if we would try to alter them, they would break and fail. Choice is yours.
