One couple came fighting. They wanted to get separated after fifteen years of married life. I asked them the reason and the husband spoke even before his wife could speak. She would never change. i have been trying to change her and make her a better person for last seventeen years, which included two years of dating time, but she has refused to change. I looked at wife, she was feeling so miserable. She broke out and said that i do not know what to do. I try to make things better as per him but I end up doing one or other mistake, which might be so small. i wonder if they are so important that a relationship can be broken on their basis. I do not feel like doing anything now, still I keep making an effort. Our kids have also started saying same things. I feel I am good for nothing. This is what constant criticism had done. it had killed a person’s self esteem. So I turned around to talk to her husband and asked him, why do you want her to change? He proudly said that because we all should make an effort to be better. And who decided what is better. it shall be her own decision. And do you think you are perfect (As per me he is) but you do not have anything that has to be changed? He said if i would have she would have told me! Bingo!!!! So her acceptance of you, the way you are, her kindness of love means, you do not have any problems. The biggest problem is you do not love your partner, you criticise her. You do not know how to respect a woman, a mother and many more things. He was shocked!
The woman gained her confidence and established her own business.
But the big question is, why do we want other’s to change? Why do we want others to be as per our own expectations? WE do not have to work on others. We have to work on ourselves. We have to lower down our expectations. We have to give a space to the person to be himself. We have to let the person blossom. WE just have to love the person and accept him/her the way he/she is. Then only we can love. If we try to make them change, we only would lose the person.
