One 28 years gentleman called up and requested a meeting. He said that I am getting married and I want to create a happy relationship. I felt happy because generally people approach me when they have many problems in their relationship and they are on verge of separation or they are unable to manage it. He was one of the very few who had approached me before anything had gone wrong. It is like you strengthen your immune system to fight any disease rather than depending on medicines later on. Made me feel very happy and I welcomed his approach. I asked him, what is the blue print you have in mind? It surprised him. Do relationships have a blue print? Yes they do. If they do not, they are create their own blue prints which might not be that beautiful. It is like you are constructing a building and first you prepare a blue print for same. If you do not and leave the land to be open and let it develop on its own, then you might develop some areas which are like slums. At some place the space is under utilized and at some place it is over utilized and you may feel lack of space. But if you know what you have to make out of it, then you would create a better thing. But still one question was running in my mind that how come he was proactive and the reason was his parents were divorced and he had seen them fighting always. He had developed the phobia of being into a relationship and now when he was, he wanted to make sure he creates a good one. he had suffered a lot as a child in their fights and he did not want his children to suffer. Well that explains and is a good enough reason and he has thought so much over it, that is very appreciated. So he started working on the blue print of his relationship and after one week, he came out with a plan.
He wanted a relationship based on understanding, love, support and care.
We all want that, but how do we get them?
Can we understand on our own or we need to make an effort to understand? We need to make two way efforts. We need to make an effort to understand the other person and make an effort to make him understand us. Often we assume that the other person should understand us without even saying anything and that is too much of an expectation. How can someone? Our parents did understand us when we were young but after growing up even they might not. The other person is totally different. has different perception, has different experiences and cannot understand us the way we would want to be understood. So we need to help him/her.
How do we love more?
By lowering down own expectations, acknowledging other person’s efforts, by removing conditions, by building trust and respect. Love comes from heart which you already have but all these things will help in making it stronger.
How do we support and care?
First of all, we shall not expect our partner to be ideal. We shall expect him as a human being with a package. No one has all the God like qualities. We may appreciate few qualities and we may not like few. So we need to accept in totality. We need to accept that he/she cant maintain all the relationships and cannot get appreciation from everyone. That is very unrealistic and too much of a pressure. We need to make an effort to support so that the partner can become a part of the family. We need to understand the other person can have fears, can do mistakes and we shall be ready to forgive. No person is entire good or bad. We need to accept that and appreciate what is good.
care comes in small things rather than waiting for some big moments like birthday and anniversaries. In 20 years we would have just 60 birthdays and anniversaries. But we would get so many moments everyday to express our care. We need to take care of those first.
Rest our intention to love and staying committed is above all.
