They have been married for 15 years and he works all the time. He travels, sells his products and when he comes back, he takes care of the children. He did not share a good relationship with his wife and she always blamed him for staying away. She was a house wife and did not do anything to make money. He worked all the time to keep the plates full and when he came back, all he heard was he was never around for kids and he could not take care of the children. he was not a good father. Over the years, he started feeling that he was not a good father and he tried doing more and more for kids. So He would take them out whenever he was there, he would give them a bathe, he would take care of their hygiene and food and many things. Things reached to a point where when he would come back, he would find out that he kids have not bathed for few days. They did not complete their homework and many more things. So he heard it more that because of his absence his kids are getting neglected. He kept doing what all he could and kept going into further frustration. He reached to a point where he filed for a divorce and his wife did not agree. She filed charges of domestic violence and she threatened him that if he would take divorce, she would make sure he is in jail all the time. He gave into all this and took his divorce case back. He did not have a relationship but still he kept fulfilling all the obligations. He reached to a suicidal point and he said that all he wanted was to hear from his children that he is a good father. But all they did was never respect him, did not care for him. They also shouted at him that he was not good enough.
So lets’ understand few things:
1. His wife had a typical behavior of putting off her responsibility on others shoulders.
2. She was manipulating/controlling him through guilt
3. Kids said what they saw and learned. They did not have their own thought process and judgement. Kids learn their right and wrong from parents.
Few questions:
1. Who was his wife to give him accreditation of a good father?
2. Were his kids actually in a position to tell him same?
3. Did he not trust what he was doing?
4. Would they have stopped if he would have done more?
5. Did they ever tell him what would make him a good father? ( Kids were fed that judgement criterion was that he should be around. But did they think objectively that if he would stay at home, who would earn for the family)
We can never get a fair opinion from others because it would be based on their own experience and perceptions. More we would depend on that, further miserable we would become. So instead of depending on others approval, we should understand and trust our own efforts and goodness. If our intentions have been best, efforts have been best and that is all we could do, it is enough to appreciate self!
