1. He was always scared that what if she would get angry and he kept on following her. She thought that she was able to get what she wanted but one fine day when he could not take it any longer he asked for a separation which left her in question what went wrong?
2. She was very beautiful and he looked like an ordinary man. He developed a fear that she might leave him and always tried controlling her more, possessing her more. his controlling behavior gave her the fears, what if he would get angry, what if he would leave her one day. Finally one day she said that she is ready to leave him. It took them 2 years to sort out past 10 years issues. Not to mention those two years were the worst in their relationship.
3. She grew up in an insecure environment and she was an insecure person. She always tried controlling her husband as she felt that he was better than her. She would not allow him to talk to any girl or sit with any girl. After seven years of marriage he reached to a saturation point and decided to end his fear. He asked for a separation.
4. He had a very controlling father. He would always ask them to be in discipline or they would get punishment. He ran away from his home at the age of 14 as he could no longer live under his father’s fear.
I have heard a lot, little bit of fear should be there! We develop fear in relationships and may be we were told that fear is good. It motivates. It motivates but with lots of pressure and that’s why it depletes us of our energy. Fear harbors on love. If fear starts coming in, love starts leaving. Eventually when the person is unable to take the pressure of fear, he/she revolts. Even if someone does not reach the saturation point, fear would keep eating love and there would not be any authentic relationship. We would hide, we would not express, we would lie. Fear is like a termite!
So how should we handle:
1. No shouting in relationship , be assertive
2. If a person is sharing his/her mistake learn to appreciate it
3. If you do not like something in your partner/child/friend/parents, instead of trying to change it, give space to it. So that the person can share about that freely.
4. Do not be power freak! Yes, such kind of people are power freaks. Power is their food. They want to have everything their way. Relationships are about equality even with your children. They respect you does not mean they have to be scared of you. Give everyone equal space like you want yours.
5. Be more accommodative of others views.
6. Express your anger, do not just leash it out.
7. If someone is sharing fear, instead of getting offensive, understand it.
8. try to resolve things with love.
9. Have an intention of creating love in relationship.
Relationships are the most important area of lives. They need constant effort and work. Nurture them with love not fears!
