He wanted to divorce her. For ten years, he said that he has been tolerating her. I asked him, why do you want to divorce her? She is not what I wanted. What did you want? He was confused. Still, he shared that someone who is little better dressed and what image you had in mind? He was like, ..mmm…someone who can go to parties with me and I do not feel embarassed about. She is always dressed in Sari and in a very simple manner. Do you know someone like that? He looked down and said, my friends’ wives. We are five friends and she is the most backwards one. So, I gave him a task and asked him to find out, how was their behavior at home and how was their relationship going. So he took one week and found out that, one was unhappy as his wife never bothered about him. Because she was too bousy with her own things. But he wanted to manage and go on. Another one was tired of daily fights as the lady always blamed him for making her work. She shared that she felt so tired. His friend asked her to leave the job then she blamed that he was not earning enough to support her life style. The third one had kicked out his parents and he was meeting them secretly. The fourth one shared that, they were sleeping in separate rooms. Because he was too scared of his wife and for everything, she would scold him.
He came back and shared and I asked him, what was his blessing? He never had to worry, what would she think, (though he should), his parents were well taken care of, his wife always saved more money and never had an extravagant life style. He always felt that, everyone in his extended family appreciated his wife as she maintained the relationships well. He wondered why he could never see those things earlier?
Because he had a frame in his mind and he was trying to fit in his wife into that. She was not designed for that frame. She had her own qualities and individuality. When he looked at her, the way she was, he was able to see how blessed he was to have her.
Sometimes, by looking at others or through movies, we build a perception of our future partner, and then we try to adjust to that perception. However, every person is different and has their own qualities. We need to see a person as it is and make an effort to understand each other. We need to nurture the relationship and let it bloom. We cannot expect a tree to grow tall and bloom, if we keep trimming its sides always.
