He came to me for relationship problems and as soon as he sat in front of me he said that I have done enough for her. I cannot do anything more. They were married for 15 years after 5 years of dating, which means they were in this relationship for 20 years. I am sure he must have done a lot and I am sure she also must have done a lot. I am sure it’s not even 100% of what we can do, I am sure it’s 1000 % he had done. But can we stop doing? We are still in the relationship and we will be, so we have to continue doing for each other. Then he wrote down a long list of all the things he had done for her and I am sure he missed out many which his own mind did not register. But then let’s write down all the things which she has done for you. He realized it was equally long. Now, let’s add a little pressure into it. You have come back home tired and you are supposed to give one more performance on the dinner table. You have to smile, arrange everything perfectly, you have to take care of everyone’s mood and still not quiver about that? Now, let’s say you have to give that performance everyday multiple times in a new family and environment? Would that increase the pressure of what you are doing? Now, there is no appreciation of what you are doing? It’s only critics you meet and you hear all what was lacking ? How would you stay motivated. When you are doing business you have a report card because your returns will show how much work you have done. But in her case only report card is some critic minds. How do you live under so much pressure?
So what actually she needs is some motivation and support from you and she will be fine. But if you become her critic too, then how would she manage?
You are not two in this relationship. You are one. The relationship can only go on happily and smoothly if it is lived as one. If you live as two, by putting conditions like if she is doing this, then only I will do this, if she is not doing this, why should I do this, then you can never be happy. There will only be fights and stress and then we will end up making few more jokes on own marriage. Live there as one and be there and think what more can be done rather than I can’t do any more.